StopProAna.com

 
 
Well today I overheard some family members saying how they wanna work out tomorrow and i was like omg totally (in my mind) I need to go craaaazzzy because we have a dress fitting tomorrow and we tried on clothes tonight and i feel like the giant whale that i am and i cannot consume another carb because i'm going to blow up and explode like augustus gloop!!!! so that was the really awful thought process in my brain. now how I work through that?? some people may call it logic, others may like to call it a more CBT approach (cognitive behavioral therapy)...well call it whatever you may, but it's how i got myself out of that ugly thought cycle. I think it is just balance. ahh balance. i love the sound of that word.
How do you incorporate balance? oh, it is a struggle. especially in recovery, because ED's are all about excess! black and white thinking! extremes! one or the other but no way in heck is there any middle ground. well, i think i'm living proof of the middle ground...maybe because all my life i've been treated as the middle ground, as in my whole life i have acted as the family's middle ground, but that's another story/topic for another day. 
oh...so back on the brilliance of balance? ...right. so i know in my mind that excessive exercise is NOT for me. like seriously. been there done that. it's not a fun thing, but regardless, how did i make the cognitive choice to not even participate in the conversation? practice...and realizing that those conversations are not something i want to be a part of. for example, why am i going to work so hard to fit into a dress? i mean, work is the wrong word, more like backtrack in my serious mental illness to fit into a dress. That is just messed up everybody! Dresses are made to fit a woman's body, a woman's body is not meant to fit a dress. I guess this is just one raw example. But a decent example of how you can monitor these daily occurrences. Like, if you look at a magazine picture and think, wow that girl is soooo beautiful. well come on now! that's not her natural beauty! that's just a few peoples bajillion dollar photoshop creation, and it's an unattainable ideal. you can't forget that! but enough of my ranting, if you're going to take anything away from today's post, please remember that pro-ana sites execute unhealthiness that takes away from a good balance of life. there is no balance possible with those websites. and for all of you who have no affiliation with that kinds of stuff whatsoever, just remember not to get caught up with negativity. i know somebody who doesn't even watch any negative tv shows, because why even bother bringing that negativity in your life if you can avoid it? interesting topic! i would do the same, except i'm a sucker for those romances.....well, for the rest of you, remember balance. do one thing tonight that can help you express and incorporate balance in your life? this can be balancing work/play, eating veggies/eating desserts, giving hugs/getting kisses, drinking coffee/drinking more coffee...april fools! if you're drinking that much coffee (ahem SO NOT ME WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!??I DO NOT HAVE A CAFFEINE ADDICTION, AND YES I KNOW THE FIRST STEP IS DENIAL!) woohoo okay anyway, yeah it's a little late for me and my excessive tiredness. so if you catch my drift, balance out your lives everyone. i'm going to balance my tiredness with some sleep....and maybe a lovely, balance-filled chat with my incredibly handsome boyfriend before that! good night!
With some balance giving love,
M

my smiles for the day is nat king cole's L-O-V-E......no explanation needed ;)
 
Today I decided to take care of me. I've been feeling really ill lately, what some may call in the medical field (not me, of course) "extreme fatigue". It's been pretty miserable to say the least, but I woke up this morning after feeling this way for a few days, and decided I was gonna call the doctor. CALL THE DOCTOR YOU SAY?! yeah.....i never used to do that kind of thing. happens when you have an eating disorder. taking care of yourself=unknown concept. or denied concept. take your pick. but recovery is ALL about self-care and knowing your self-worth. so i am mighty proud that i went to the doctor today. Even picking up that phone is a step in a new direction for me. Like big deal!!! I never call health care providers because I'm scared of talking on the phone. But that fear didn't even enter my mind. I just went ahead and called. WOOHOO! i am awesome. haha.....okay not true, but a part of my recovery is to learn my awesomeness while excepting it, no? So, what I'm trying to say is, even though I still feel awfully, I made a recovery step today. Even though I had my blood drawn today, and to me getting blood drawn just has eating disorder written all over it, I still did it!!! I took the steps toward self-care. So today, what I'm trying to say is, self-care is the way to go. And if we wanna talk anti pro-ana today, just think about how pro-ana supports DAMAGE TO THE SELF and not self-care. So, don't visit pro-ana sites if you are trying to practice self-care....which should be ya'll! And no I'm  not from the south, but remember, wellness is key all around! okay i'll stop my really awful jokes. Just think about wellness, and self-care. These are tastes of recovery I thought I would never experience. And that is AWESOME!!!!!!! so, even though I still have no idea what is wrong with me in terms of why I feel ill, what is right with me is my self-care! So say a little prayer I feel better. But until next time....do one thing today to take care of YOU! A bath, a walk, phone an important friend you never get to talk to, look at a picture that makes you smile, look up a funny joke and laugh until you cry of utter happiness, brush your hair, do your make up for the heck of it, go for a run, listen to your favorite song, watch your favorite movie, kiss your significant other, hug someone you care about, DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU SMILE AND TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!!!!! :) 
Now while I go and read an introduction to contemporary psychodynamic theory, have an awesome day!!!
With self-caring love,
M
Picture
little kids....i always knew how to make myself smile!!!! SILLY!!!!!! :D