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Well today I overheard some family members saying how they wanna work out tomorrow and i was like omg totally (in my mind) I need to go craaaazzzy because we have a dress fitting tomorrow and we tried on clothes tonight and i feel like the giant whale that i am and i cannot consume another carb because i'm going to blow up and explode like augustus gloop!!!! so that was the really awful thought process in my brain. now how I work through that?? some people may call it logic, others may like to call it a more CBT approach (cognitive behavioral therapy)...well call it whatever you may, but it's how i got myself out of that ugly thought cycle. I think it is just balance. ahh balance. i love the sound of that word.
How do you incorporate balance? oh, it is a struggle. especially in recovery, because ED's are all about excess! black and white thinking! extremes! one or the other but no way in heck is there any middle ground. well, i think i'm living proof of the middle ground...maybe because all my life i've been treated as the middle ground, as in my whole life i have acted as the family's middle ground, but that's another story/topic for another day. 
oh...so back on the brilliance of balance? ...right. so i know in my mind that excessive exercise is NOT for me. like seriously. been there done that. it's not a fun thing, but regardless, how did i make the cognitive choice to not even participate in the conversation? practice...and realizing that those conversations are not something i want to be a part of. for example, why am i going to work so hard to fit into a dress? i mean, work is the wrong word, more like backtrack in my serious mental illness to fit into a dress. That is just messed up everybody! Dresses are made to fit a woman's body, a woman's body is not meant to fit a dress. I guess this is just one raw example. But a decent example of how you can monitor these daily occurrences. Like, if you look at a magazine picture and think, wow that girl is soooo beautiful. well come on now! that's not her natural beauty! that's just a few peoples bajillion dollar photoshop creation, and it's an unattainable ideal. you can't forget that! but enough of my ranting, if you're going to take anything away from today's post, please remember that pro-ana sites execute unhealthiness that takes away from a good balance of life. there is no balance possible with those websites. and for all of you who have no affiliation with that kinds of stuff whatsoever, just remember not to get caught up with negativity. i know somebody who doesn't even watch any negative tv shows, because why even bother bringing that negativity in your life if you can avoid it? interesting topic! i would do the same, except i'm a sucker for those romances.....well, for the rest of you, remember balance. do one thing tonight that can help you express and incorporate balance in your life? this can be balancing work/play, eating veggies/eating desserts, giving hugs/getting kisses, drinking coffee/drinking more coffee...april fools! if you're drinking that much coffee (ahem SO NOT ME WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!??I DO NOT HAVE A CAFFEINE ADDICTION, AND YES I KNOW THE FIRST STEP IS DENIAL!) woohoo okay anyway, yeah it's a little late for me and my excessive tiredness. so if you catch my drift, balance out your lives everyone. i'm going to balance my tiredness with some sleep....and maybe a lovely, balance-filled chat with my incredibly handsome boyfriend before that! good night!
With some balance giving love,
M

my smiles for the day is nat king cole's L-O-V-E......no explanation needed ;)
 


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